Puppets in sick bay

Michael Brown is recovering from extensive back surgery. Tony Snow lost both arms AND his tongue. Poor old Bush Sr. lost everything except one eyebrow. The ride home from New York was obviously not a gentle one.

But who complained the loudest and longest? It's a toss-up between Condoleezza Rice, who lost an earring, causing delays for some of the more critically injured patients while she insisted that the earring in question be found, and Donald Rumsfeld (pictured at right) who needed just a touch of physical therapy on his arms. "Oh Jeez, it hurts, it hurts! Make it stop! Make it stop! Get your filthy hands off me! You're hurting me!" he cried before the physical therapist even touched him.

Though no physical injuries could be found on his body, it is clear that Kermit the Frog, spotted lying semi-
catatonic in his crate, curled up in a fetal position, bore severe psychological wounds. Once he was finally able to talk again, assisted by the gentle coaxing of the Small Appliance Puppet Theater staff psychiatrist, the show-biz veteran said, "I have traveled the world over with actors and artists from many walks of life, but I have never, NEVER sunk so low as to hang out with people like these politicians. All the scheming and back biting! The plans to dominate the world! I felt like I had descended into the pits of hell from which there was no escape. These people -- especially Dick Cheney, if I may be so free as to name names -- make even Oscar the Grouch look like Mother Theresa!" He then tearfully begged not to be forced to ride again in the crates with them to Dallas next weekend.

It must be noted that George W. Bush came through totally unscathed. Again.